Unmasking Together

Naomi

Hey everyone, and welcome back to Brain Bloom, the podcast where we explore what it means to thrive as a neurodivergent human—in relationships, in routines, and in real life. I’m your host Naomi, and today’s episode is a really personal one.I’m joined by someone very special—my partner, Danial—as we sit down for an open, vulnerable conversation about my late neurodivergent diagnosis, how it’s shaped our relationship, and the ways we’ve had to grow, adapt, and show up for each other.If you’ve ever wondered how neurodivergence shows up behind closed doors, or how to navigate love and life together with more compassion and clarity—this one’s for you.So, Danial, I still remember the day I got my diagnosis—autism and ADHD, both, at thirty-six. It was like, suddenly, my whole life made sense and also... didn’t? I mean, I’d spent years just thinking I was, I don’t know, too sensitive or just bad at “adulting.”

Danial

Yeah, I remember you coming home that day, and you looked—well, honestly, you looked relieved and totally overwhelmed at the same time. I think I said something like, “So, what does this mean for us?” and you just laughed and cried at the same time. I didn’t get it then, but now I see how much you’d been masking. Like, all those times you’d push through noisy dinners or big family things, and I thought you were just being polite. Turns out, you were running on empty.

Naomi

Oh, the masking. I got so good at pretending I was fine, even when I was, like, one loud noise away from meltdown. Remember your surprise party? I still feel bad about that. You went all out—balloons, music, the works. And I ended up hiding in the bathroom, texting you “help.”

Danial

Yeah, I mean, at the time, I thought you just hated parties. Or maybe you were mad at me for inviting your cousin who always brings his ukulele. But now, looking back, it was just... too much. I totally misread your shutdown as you being disinterested or, I don’t know, annoyed with me. I can laugh about it now, but I wish I’d known then what I know now.

Naomi

It’s wild, right? All those signs we both missed. I always thought I was just “bad” at things everyone else seemed to handle. But now, I see it was my brain protecting me. I guess the big thing is, how do we move from judgment—like, “Why can’t you just do this?”—to curiosity? Like, “What’s actually going on for you?”

Danial

Yeah, and I’m still learning. I mean, I get it wrong sometimes. But I’m trying to ask more, not assume. Like, “Are you okay?” instead of “What’s wrong with you?” It’s a work in progress, but I think we’re getting better at it.

Naomi

Totally. And honestly, the little changes have made such a difference. Like, the hand signals? I know it sounds silly, but just being able to flash you the “I need a break” sign in a crowded room—no words, no drama—has saved me so many times.

Danial

Yeah, and the buffer time thing. I used to pack our weekends, thinking, “Let’s make the most of it!” But now, we actually schedule downtime between stuff. I mean, who knew that “quiet hour” could be so... revolutionary?

Naomi

It’s like, I finally have permission to just be. And you checking in—like, “Do you want to talk, or do you want space?”—that’s huge. Oh, and the “sensor overload sirens”—our little inside joke. I love that. It’s such a gentle way to say, “Hey, I’m maxed out,” without making it heavy.

Danial

Yeah, I mean, sometimes I still forget and start rapid-firing questions at you when you’re already fried. But I’m learning to read the cues. And honestly, humor helps. Like, if I can make you laugh when things get tense, it kind of resets the room, you know?

Naomi

Definitely. I think the biggest support is just you meeting me where I am, not where you think I “should” be. It’s not about fixing me, it’s about figuring out what actually helps. Like, sometimes I need you to step in, and sometimes I just need you to let me be. It’s a balance.

Danial

Yeah, and I’m still working on not overdoing it. Like, I want to help, but I don’t want to take over. It’s a dance, for sure.

Naomi

You know, the other day when I was totally overwhelmed—lights too bright, everything too loud—I was bracing for advice. But you just handed me the weighted blanket and sat with me. No fixing, no pep talk. That was exactly what I needed.

Danial

I mean, I used to think I had to solve it, right? Like, “Let’s make a plan!” But sometimes, you just need someone to say, “Yeah, this is hard. I’m here.” I’m learning that affirmation is way more powerful than advice most days.

Naomi

It’s such a shift—from “How do I make this go away?” to “How do I support you through it?” I think that’s what’s changed most for us. We’re not trying to fix each other. We’re just... showing up. Even on the hard days.

Danial

Yeah, and I think for anyone listening, it’s okay to not have all the answers. Sometimes encouragement is just, “I see you. I’m with you.” And if you mess up, just try again. We do. All the time.

Naomi

Exactly. If you’re navigating this stuff in your own relationship, you’re not alone. It’s messy, and it’s beautiful, and it’s worth it. We’re still figuring it out, but we’re doing it together.

Danial

Alright, that’s it for today. Thanks for listening, everyone. Naomi, thanks for being so open. I always learn something new with you.

Naomi

Back at you, Danial. We’ll be back soon with more real talk. Take care, everyone.

Danial

Thank you so much for tuning into this tender, honest episode of Brain Bloom. I hope our story helps you feel a little more seen in yours—whether you’re the neurodivergent partner, the supportive one, or somewhere in between.If this episode resonated, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you’re navigating late diagnosis or relationship shifts, you’re not alone. You are worthy of support, of softness, and of love that doesn’t ask you to mask. Until next time—keep blooming, exactly as you are. Bye for now!